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#FreeKesha: With These Pop Stars’ Help, Kesha’s Next Album Is Going To Be Fantastic

In a sad turn of events, pop star Kesha‘s request for a preliminary injunction that will allow her to release music without the involvement of her alleged abuser, Dr. Luke, was turned down last week. The ruling by a New York Supreme Court judge was met with a wave of sighing and back-patting (and of course, vocal outcry) from fans and other singers, with Kesha thanking everyone for their support on Instagram and Facebook.

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As we ignore the call for a Sony boycott (it’s really hard guys, think about it), we couldn’t help but imagine how album number 3 might sound like. While her last album was an eternity ago (in pop years), we’re confident that the #FreeKesha movement, coupled with the public’s interest, will help carry the album to the top of the charts, however she might choose to record and release it.

We let our train of thought choo-choo its way through Imagination Island to Dreamworld, and here we entertained a fun thought:

What if all of the artists who have stepped forward to pledge their support for Kesha ended up collaborating with her?

Presenting… the dream Kesha album that we’ll drop our life savings for:


Track #1: Kesha ft. Jack Antonoff

This would be it – THE BOP OF THE DECADE. This will be a victorious Part II of how the then-Ke$ha glitterbombed the charts in 2009 with her electrifying-yet-uncredited vocals on Flo Rida‘s “Right Round”, which sold a record-breaking 636,000 digital downloads in its first week, a feat only broken by Adele with “Hello” (more on Queen A later). A power anthem a la Beyoncé‘s “Run The World (Girls)” to start things off.

What It’ll Sound Like: “Out Of The Woods” by Taylor Swift but with an even sicker beat

Track #2: Kesha ft. Ariana Grande

This has to be the second track, just to shut the haters up. Kesha has proven her vocal ability without autotune, and we imagine this to be a slinky, vocal-centric tune with a modulation in the last chorus, just cause. Ari can do her whistle notes here too. It’s a win-win, and a perfect way to showcase Kesha’s talent.

What It’ll Sound Like: “One Last Time” by Ariana Grande

Track #3: Kesha ft. Lorde and Zedd

Making a turn into darker territory here and goth princess Lorde is here to help. Between Kesha’s ear for hooks, Lorde’s venom-laced one-liners, and Zedd‘s melodic house, these three could potentially create a Dr. Puke revenge track that’ll double as the go-to ugly breakup song for the next 10 years.

What It’ll Sound Like: “Magnets” by Disclosure ft. Lorde

Track #4: Kesha ft. Janelle Monáe

See where we’re going with Lorde/Janelle Monáe back-to-back? The outspoken multi-hyphenate will either push Kesha to create a deeply uncategorisable song, or be influenced by the former wildchild’s mainstream identity and pen a delicious pop track over hip-hop beats. Either way, we’ll be happy.

What It’ll Sound Like: “Dance Apocalyptic” if Janelle wins, “Yoga” if Kesha does

Track #5: Kesha ft. Sara Bareilles

Possibly the most stripped-down, acoustic song on the record, Sara Bareilles will bring Kesha into a world without synths, beats, or drops. We’re imagining a piano ballad here, with lyrics about empowerment and a lot of operatic falsetto. Absolutely moving.

What It’ll Sound Like: “She Used To Mine” by Sara, even “Gravity” if they’re lucky

Track #6: Kesha ft. Halsey 

This one is for all the Tumblr kids below 16 who weren’t pop-conscious when “TiK ToK” stormed the radio. Working with Halsey might see a more soothing revenge track than the one with Lorde, but with equally icy lyrics. Throw in some red/blue/purple imagery too, why not?

What It’ll Sound Like: “New Americana” by Halsey because it’s just so good

Track #7: Kesha ft. Adele

AAAAAND we’re kicking things back into overdrive! Let’s see Adele surprise everyone by working on a ridiculously radio-friendly pop hit with Kesha, one that’ll make people go “Ohmaigod that can’t be Adele!”

What It’ll Sound Like: “Send My Love (To Your New Lover)” by Adele. You know it. (No link here because it’s not a single. Buy the damn album if you haven’t already.)

Track #8: Kesha ft. Demi Lovato AND Taylor Swift

This is the only viable end to the mess that’s been created between Demi and Taylor over #FreeKesha. Following accusations from Demi that she would like “self-proclaimed feminists” to speak up on the issue, Taylor promptly donated $250,000 in stone cold, hard cash to Kesha, who is paying for the lawsuits against Sony out of her own pocket.

Can you imagine the absolute slayage this hit would serve though? I can’t even.

What It’ll Sound Like: “Bang Bang” by Jessie J, Ariana Grande, and Nicki Minaj

Track #9: Kesha ft. Iggy Azalea

Another bomb-ass track that’ll be the 2016 summer smash of white America. Think lots of bratty verses and blonde hair flicks. Now think even more bratty verses and blonde hair flicks.

What It’ll Sound Like: “Fancy”, duh.

Track #10: Kesha ft. Lady Gaga

It makes perfect sense for the reformed Mother Monster to close off this album, preferably a song with a strong message, just like her very apt “Till It Happens To You”, a composition dedicated to sexual assault survivors.

This one won’t be a made-for-radio jingle. This song will be magical, and won’t sound like anything you’ve heard before. This song is the one that will truly matter; and for Kesha and all the brave victims of sexual assault who have stepped out and told their story, this will be their song.


Whatever #K3 might look or sound like, Kesha has all our support. #FreeKesha

 

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Jovi Ho

I'm passionate about pop music (trashy/regular), anything with an artistic slant, and garlicky chicken rice chilli. I also bake for sanity's sake.

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